Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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