doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
