How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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