It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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