Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
