so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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