sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
