I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
