i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
