I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
