I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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