I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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