I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
