Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
