let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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