i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
