The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
