i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
