I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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