that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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