Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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