so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
