My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
