she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
