Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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