just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
