is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
