It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Come on in and take your pants off
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
