Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
