you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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