It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
