Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
