the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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