I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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