Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
