I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
