i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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