you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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