Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
