What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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