i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am spending my child support on dildos
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
