is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
