Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
