I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
did i just pee glitter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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