So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
These tits shall not be calmed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love you.
Bad choice
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