TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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