I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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