His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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