At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize