this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
