those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
