last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
