What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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