Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
