we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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