Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
