WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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