my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
