i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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