dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
