make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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