Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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