Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
